Most of us walk around carrying the world on our shoulders. We feel like we owe so many debts and so much is owed to us. Even as we get up everyday with new hopes and dreams, we are still stuck in yesterday. As much as we say thank you for all the people who give us hope, and sorry for all those we have wronged, we feel it is never enough, that we should have done more.
Whether it is the officer who found us lying down on the ground after a mugging, the brave student who informed us that our child was being bullied, the teacher who mentored us and inspired confidence in us, we never feel like we have done enough to reward these incredible people or that those who have wronged us have been punished enough. A person’s debt to God and others is so great that it can never be paid back. We are granted so many pardons and so many priceless favors as we go through life that we are always indebted in some way. We feel like a simple show of gratitude is not enough and we too are not deserving of a second chance.
Therefore, we should learn to grant favor to those who wrong us, the same way we have been given second chances because without the symbiosis of both, we tend to build resentment and guilt which trap us in a prison, tortured by all manners of inner emotional conflicts. The building of these conflicts that we tend not to let go make us debt collectors.
Dr. David Belgum says that 75% of people in hospitals with physical illnesses have sicknesses rooted in emotional causes and their physical symptoms and breakdowns may be their involuntary confessions of guilt.
Doctors report that so many mothers whose infants are diagnosed with fatal illnesses or whose children die tragic deaths always blame themselves. Telling them it was not their fault, that there is nothing they could have done doesn’t make the situation better. They remain tormented by guilt and anxiety because they feel like they failed their children. This is evidenced by the marriages that end in divorce after the death of a child when one partner blames the other for not being careful and taking care of their child.
We also tend to be our own worst enemies, we don’t forgive ourselves for all the errors we make, which makes us angry, not realizing that without fully forgiving ourselves we cannot offer the same grace to others who ask for it and in some cases deserve it.
People get married expecting the spouse to make them whole, to heal them of all their internal conflict. Larry Crabe a psychologist compares the statement above to a tick on a dog. He says that the tick isn’t really interested in a good life for the dog; he’s simply taking all the time. This is the tragedy with most marriages, where both partners are takers and the marriage is like two ticks and no dog, two collectors and nothing to collect.
The process of getting rid of all the guilt is not easy but there is always room for make that first step. We have to learn forgiveness, love, acceptance and grace.
‘Forgiveness is not always easy, at times, it feels more painful than the wounds we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.’ Marianne Williamson
Forgiveness is all about letting go, finding peace and moving on. Forgiveness is a personal choice, an individual chooses a particular way in which they find closure but whichever way is chosen, make sure it works for you because you are living that situation all on your own.
Tap into your inner Grace, which basically is the capacity to tolerate, accommodate or forgive people. Grace usually remains in our heads but doesn’t reside in our gut level feelings or in our relationships. We accept that bad things happen, talk to friends, share your story with people and turn the negative incident into a positive lesson. The more we talk about some incidents, the better we feel as we realize that people do care and they are willing to comfort and help.
Find a way to release all the built up emotions; play a sport, write your feelings down, talk to a counselor, pray about your problem. To some people, prayer is spiritual cleansing, giving them hope that a higher power is in control. Prayer also gives us positive energy.
Therefore, as we go through life, we have to find courage to let go of all struggles by gathering our inner strength from all the challenges that have made us stronger and building on that to be better. We should wake up everyday and choose the best path, one that involves forgiveness, acceptance, kindness, grace and happiness.
Written by;
Muhawe Evelyn
Muhawe Evelyn is a Banker who is passionate about writing and Content Creation.
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